Expectations. We all have them, don’t we? We expect a friend to call, a spouse to remember, a neighbor to reach out, a child to behave, an employer to affirm us. Often we find ourselves disappointed when other do not come through for us in the ways we would most like them to do so.
I find that as I set my self-expectations higher, and my expectations of others lower, I am generally happier. I ask, “How can I create what I want to have happen in my own life?” This attitude is empowering and lets others off the hook. I can just keep trying to love them and practice radical acceptance. I can celebrate the times they do remember, do call, and do affirm and reach out. But I can let go of the other times, because ultimately I am responsible for living the kind of life I want to live, not them.
At the same time, I do have some expectations of others. I expect that they are capable. I expect that they will do, and are doing, their best. I expect that they treat me with respect. I push them to be better…I just don’t cling to the expectation that they will as the basis for my own happiness.
I also need to keep my self-expectations in check. There is a prerequisite of self-compassion as we set our self-expectations. Where there is a lack of compassion, we suffer. Where I push myself too hard with too little self-care, I feel it, and everyone around me feels it.
So I’ve found in order to live freely, and live out my calling without hindrance, I do best when I let go of unrealistically high expectations of others. They are not mind-readers. They are not God. Fortunately, neither am I, so when I can remember self-compassion in the midst of challenging myself, I open up space to thrive.
Hi, I’m Angela