Checking a Third Box

In high school, I participated in marching band and concert band. One spring, our band director asked us to fill out a small slip of paper at the end of class regarding our plans to attend a summer band camp. We were given one of two boxes to check. One checked box would indicate that we were available and would attend the camp. The alternative checked box would indicate that we had a conflict and could not attend the camp. I found myself in the midst of a dilemma, because I did not have a conflict, and also did not want to attend the camp. So I drew in a third box, checked it, and wrote next to it, “I am available but not interested in attending the camp.” I got reprimanded after class for not adhering to one of the two categories offered to me.
I have often thought of that experience and the many times since that day when I’ve desired to find a third box to check. One of the problematic thinking patterns I seek to help people challenge in therapy is “dichotomous” or “black-and-white” thinking. Examples include: “I am perfect or I am a failure. I’ll get this project exactly right or it will be a complete disaster.” The challenge is to find the gray area, and create a third box. Maybe a person begins to say instead, “I may not get this perfectly right, but I can do it well and learn from the parts that don’t go well.”
It is the human tendency to use mental shortcuts, or heuristics, that categorize ourselves and other people. But such categories often falsely simplify the complex, multidimensional nature of human beings. I challenge you today, if you are caught between two options, to consider creating a third for yourself. See the option that may not be clearly defined for you by others, but that is the truly unique and right choice for you.