The Greatest Trap

“The greatest trap in life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection, doubting who we truly are.” -Henri Nouwen
When we believe the voices that tell us we are unlovable, then we can be drawn to search for identities and achievements that make us feel more worthwhile. But when we begin with an assurance of being loved and worthwhile, we can live life more freely, pursing our goals in joy rather than compulsion.
During my college years, I went through a crisis of feeling unloved, convinced that the worst messages I’d received about myself were the truth. I found moments of joy but felt a primary void of sadness. The idea that we are unloved is one that will hold us back, an obstacle that prevents us from living life fully. As we become convinced of love, we are free to live.
I do not have to be perfect to be loved, and neither do you. Try the following to increase assurance of your value:
1. Believe you can be loved in the midst of your conflicts and challenges. Work on radically accepting yourself now, rather than setting conditions for change before you accept and love yourself.
2. Gravitate toward those who appreciate and validate you. Tune in to your feelings after spending time with friends and family members. If you feel uplifted, positive, and valued, get together again. If you feel a lack of value and support, think twice before making plans again.
3. Treat yourself as you treat those you love. What do you do for others to express love and appreciation? How do you celebrate them? Do the same for yourself.