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Dr. Angela Schaffner

Psychologist. Author. Black Belt.

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Grief and Running the Course

grief · May 15, 2019

Grief and Running the Course

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Just a reminder to get in a good cry if it’s bee

Just a reminder to get in a good cry if it’s been awhile for you. Go there. Consider this your permission and encouragement to embrace the full spectrum of human emotions and not just the happy and fine ones. It’s striking to me how often clients apologize for their tears in therapy and how often I have been pulled to apologize for my own. There’s a deeply embedded value in our culture around having things “together.” But letting tears flow is what allows us to get ourselves together because to be integrated and whole we need to acknowledge all the parts, all the feelings, all the things. It also brings us closer to our loved ones to share and witness one another’s tears. There’s info we can only get to within ourselves through our emotional experience, so let’s cry and learn when we need to. #emotionalhealth #psychologistsofinstagram #radicalacceptance

Thank you @juiceboxjay for this amazing custom pos

Thank you @juiceboxjay for this amazing custom poster celebrating 30033, our beloved community for the past ten years and where we can see ourselves living for many many years longer. If anyone in 30033 wants one check out Jay’s IG for a link to his website and lots of other cool stuff!

Tip 9 for leading a small group on Zoom: Check In.

Tip 9 for leading a small group on Zoom: Check In. Especially if Zoom is somewhat unfamiliar to any of your group members, check in from time to time to see how members are experiencing the group: “I know the Zoom group is a new experience for some of you – how is this feeling? Is the group meeting your expectations? Is there anything we need to shift or do differently?” Strive to keep an open and non-defensive stance and welcome feedback. Full article in bio.

We said goodbye to Big Blue this week and she’s

We said goodbye to Big Blue this week and she’s been a pretty reliable source of transportation. She and I had a rough start. Though I gave my consent and indicated to Dusty that I was fully on board with the choice, I called him sobbing the first morning I drove her: “Can we take it back?? This isn’t me!! The radio won’t even play loud music” (I had not yet learned to work the radio). It is not easy, I imagine, to have a partner who lives mostly in emotional mind. I felt as though a part of me had died, but Big Blue and I worked through it. I liked her patience for me to fasten my seatbelt. I liked her spaciousness and endless capacity for every bit of excessiveness that we wanted to haul along on a beach trip. Beach umbrella, cooler, suitcases, loads of food, AND our children’s enormous stuffed animals (gifted by grandparents, which is totally fine)? No problem. Some of my favorite memories in Big Blue were with the Leafmore Ladies in the N GA Mountains, and trips to Seaside (“I’ll drive!”), and of course family vacations and countless carpool trips with up to seven children. But in the end, I prefer my Tacoma, and we can make it work. It’s totally me, and I have not regretted getting it for one second. And the kids fit in it well enough. Plus, the van can’t really off road. So goodbye to Big Blue, and onward we go!

Tip 8 for leading a small group on Zoom: Remain Fl

Tip 8 for leading a small group on Zoom: Remain Flexible.
The group should be able to tolerate a few tangents, but try to tie discussions back to the theme of the group and keep on course. Avoid rigidity with your routine, and allow space for the group to take on some life and energy of its own. Allow room for spontaneity. Group dynamics are lively, active, and fascinating. In a thriving group, you may find you don’t do much talking as the leader but simply keep the group on course and encourage the already-existing flow to keep moving.

Sometimes I run across characters that are so comp

Sometimes I run across characters that are so complex, interesting and inspiring that I want to get something to set in my office or somewhere in our house to remind me of them. I’ve been reading Harry Potter to the boys each night and I love Fawkes. Wild at first, then Albus’ loyal companion and defender, his tears have healing properties and he’s reborn from his own ashes again and again. As we get ready for the change of seasons, let’s embrace tears that heal and explore ways to reimagine ourselves among the ashes.

Tip 7 for leading a small group on Zoom: Follow a

Tip 7 for leading a small group on Zoom: Follow a Plan. It’s a good idea to establish a fairly predictable routine so group members can settle in comfortably and know what to expect week to week. Do you begin with a prayer or reading? Informal chatting? How soon do you move to a more in-depth discussion? Do you follow a format? Revisit certain questions or themes every week to gauge your progress? Decide on and keep to a similar format. Read the full article: https://tinyurl.com/y7peklpx

OMG I love this boy. Both front teeth are gone! Wh

OMG I love this boy. Both front teeth are gone! What a milestone and he was thrilled to get a visit from the tooth fairy who fortunately stayed awake the latest and remembered her duty. Z is an expert at finding joy in the moment and immersing himself fully in life. I’m grateful for his daily reminder for me to do the same.

Tip 6 for leading a small group on Zoom: Encourage

Tip 6 for leading a small group on Zoom: Encourage and Equip. Seek opportunities to affirm group members’ perspectives, participation, and strengths. Listen for expressed needs, and attempt to provide what’s needed or guide group members to people and places where they can get their needs met. Full article in bio. #gatherusin

Podcasting! The Rebeccas invited me to speak on tw

Podcasting! The Rebeccas invited me to speak on two of their upcoming Woven episodes: one on my new book #GatherUsIn and the other on mental health issues and self-care during a pandemic. Stay tuned for the release of these episodes in the next couple of weeks!

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